Creative Purgatory & Embracing Vulnerability
A new year can shed light on new beginnings. This is the time for reflection and revival. And I am more determined than ever to be the best woman and artist I can possibly be.
My desire to write is stronger than ever. Finally taking action to blog, something I’ve been wanting to do for far too long, is bringing me even more joy than I anticipated!
Writing gives me an opportunity for personal and artistic reflection. I have journaled off and on for many years of my life, beginning as young as 8 years old. I so clearly remember getting a Harry Potter journal when I was twelve and it only took a matter of months to fill it up.
I will not lie; sharing my thoughts and insights outside of my journal and in a public arena is intimidating! It makes me feel very vulnerable, but I’m embracing that (this is something I will talk about more a bit later.) But I promise to write freely, uninhibited. Because I not only want to work through some of my triumphs and tribulations, I also hope there may be relatable situations that can help others too.
So despite being highly motivated to write, I have been facing difficulties in my artistic practice for a little while.
We know creative block as having a lack of ideas, a blockage to the creative flow. I have definitely experienced this, but what happens when you conceive an idea, start to bring it to life and then abandon it? And I don’t mean just for a few days or weeks. I have been moving from project to project without ever giving the previous one a chance.
I’m in between having the divine excitement to paint yet not exactly experiencing the inferno of failure. This is my own creative purgatory that I’m stuck in.
I will paint on one canvas for a few hours, then shove it under my bed to be danced upon by the dust bunnies. Why is this happening?
We are all our own harshest critics. Yes, I have moments where I greatly doubt my skills but underneath, I always know I am talented. So if questioning my abilities isn’t the problem, then the issue lays deeper within…
I fear… No, I know that I’ve grown scared to reveal myself in my art and be vulnerable.
Whether it’s music, painting or dance, art is an outlet. This, however, also means apart of the artist is revealed.
Why am I afraid to be vulnerable? I can’t help but find this situation a bit funny considering it was just a handful of years ago that I was literally tits out, singing to my own tune, and creating breasts prints on video. Now that sounds like a lady with no inhibitions!
What happened to her? Well, life threw me some curveballs. Some of which I struck out on and others I completely hit out of the park! In both my personal and professional life, I started to really consider what made me happy and what I wanted to do with my life. This led me to making some major changes. And often with changes, comes feeling vulnerable. Although I’ve grown a lot and stayed strong through some difficult situations, I undoubtedly found myself stuck in my head. This then manifested into my art practice.
If you feel vulnerable, please know this is a good thing! No it may not be comfortable at first, but it means you are trying to do better and opening yourself up in ways that could lead to amazing results. I’ve experienced personally but I need to practice this creatively.
Feeling vulnerable as an artist isn’t only going to help your art, but it is will help you! Because I was afraid of putting myself out there, I put myself in creative purgatory. My ideas are worthwhile pursuing all the way through, no matter how much I fear judgement or misunderstanding. Not everyone is going to like what I make just like not everyone is going to like me. But if I am being my truest self, and making what I want and feel like, then I am far more likely to be happy.
After all, the biggest regrets we have are not things we have done, but rather what we didn’t do. If there is anything you hope to start working on in this new year, then let it be embracing vulnerability. Just imagine the creativity and adventure it can lead to!